Hole Heart Puncher.

Do you know those days where you feel so happy and content and unsuspecting and then POW! You get punched in the heart.  Yeah they fucking suck.  I had one yesterday. Here is what I wrote:

Wasted from lack of sleep and muddy blood circulating through my soul.  The sediment just will not settle with this one.  The swamp monster strikes again with his hole heart punch leaving my confetti scattered all over the floor.  It sticks to everything and I can't even begin to fathom how to clean it all up.  The aftermath of the celebration should have not gone wrong.

"That confetti is my heart, please do not walk all over it", she cried in that weak voice people had tired of listening to. With a final sigh, "I have to piece it back together again.  Somehow."

All the air was sucked out of my lungs and I was trapped in the vacuum, with no beat, no brain left.  Bang. The blood returned.  I wanted to stay faint, barely breathing but the tears woke my eyes and brought the feelings back to my legs.  Run they said.  Run away, so far away they can not touch you, or ever find you ever, ever again.  They can not keep doing this.  Your skin will burn every time in the fire, it does not become familiar to your touch.  Smash anything in your way, my arms said, wrestle free and let no one tie those arms across your chest ever again.  Why are they repeating themselves?  Why do they expect a different response?  Why do they want to spin me around in circles and keep asking why I feel dizzy?  This is how it felt before.  A fucking repeat.

[That is what I think hell is. A repeat of everything over and over again.  Eternity of the same life over and over.  It does not matter if it was ever good.  Repeated, we become god without a chance.]

Enough now.  Enough.  That will do.  I want to dance now, slowly and gently in your arms, closing my eyes, hearing nothing but the rhythm of your music dancing in time with my feet, heartbeat.

Love N...........x

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