Do Not Enter.

Do not take any notice of what I say.
I like to play with my words.
Play with your emotions.
And play with their minds.

So do not enter. Do not cross the line.  And do not go there.
I will always eat my letters and chew my words one hundred times before I swallow. Some call it blurring reality. I call it creative.  But I like both (she giggles while writing this).  Wait till you hear about the letter I am writing to Jesus.  It's a hoot.  No, no really.  I just don't want you to take anything seriously - this is all inspired not instilled truth.  That I will make clear as clarity. So long, and good luck feasting on her immaculate heart.

The ego of the Lion.
The will of a Bull.
The fire of a demon.
The spirit of a caterpillar. 
She is the only girl in the room that sees through you.

She is the colour Red with, the breath of White, the heart of Black and the mind of a colour wheel spun on rotation.

Good luck.
Love n..........x. 

My Black Whole.

My heart.  Take the ‘h’ and put it on the end of the earth. Get it back and place it in my heart again. 


Falling in love again:

A purge of the soul,

A vomit of the spirit,

A cry of the mind, 

A tear from the heart, both ways, and

A sickly smile of surrender.

The Witching Hour

So you are addicted to her. She has cast a spell on you and you can not stop.  You are lost. She has wrapped around you. Suffocating you so much you feel the air you are gasping for is the fresh air you crave. Instead you wonder if she will save you. Lift you up out of the simple daily existence before she ever was.  Your love mixes with easy confusion, which only she seems to clarify - and yet cause.  A vulnerability that feels like you are falling through a thin veil of film.  Your future life flashes before your eyes.  Are you falling in? Or are you falling out of step with who you are. Will you be sucked in and spat out? Will you be fulfilled and pleasured by these new tastes, touches and smells.  Vision can not be trusted at this time and you know that your thinking is skewed but you like the crooked smile that is constant on you face.  The new dance you have learnt, the play that chokes a giggle from your lungs.  This new experience is happening whether you like it or not and she has it all.  All or nothing - actually you haven't quite figured that one out, but for the moment it doesn't matter. She smells nice and that is all that counts.
.......x. n.

Presenting: My Unicorn

P.s. Today I feel very present. I am starting to know what my body feels like from the inside out. I have lived for so long from the outside in. Living just that little bit outside myself, removed, objective, one step out of beat. The future felt so much safer than anything current. Nothing could touch me there in 'oneday land'. Reality is a very grounding thing. Is it strange to feel like I am starting to live my life through my own eyes? Instead of the fly on the wall observer to the life that someone else was directing. Finally I can control my life and actions. I have lived out of home since I was 17 years, and yet today, I feel finally like I have nothing left to prove or justify, establish or know. I can just be. Be. I can be a human BEING. Not a human doing. Content. Yes. Sigh. Oh yes. I like it here. I am small and strong. It is warm and comfortable. I can see. I try not to think as much. I feel like the waves in my head are calming. The sea between my ears is turning to fresh water lakes. And springs are coming from the joy I will feel. I am cosy here. I think I will stay. A little while perhaps. Forever I presume. I do not need to leave because this temple is working for me now. It always was working for me, I just couldn't trust it for awhile. I knew the system. I have had my list of things to tick off. I have achieved what I have needed to. Proven things to myself that no one else even needs to know. But I'm moving in, no need for renovations. No one else allowed in but I will smile from the windows. Because at the moment I really fucking love my life.
............x. n.

for him. x

you are.
the love.
of my life.

Endless cups of tea.
Road trips.
Blood stains.
Hairy chest.
100% wool.
Wind in the willows.
Dylan Moran.
The importance of being earnest.
Pong fest.
Gary the P.
Fleetwood Mac.
Top 10 on repeat.
Bikes x 3.
Poo particles.
No one else in the room.
Country town op-shops.
Family love.
Hug. lots of hugs.
The watertower.
Abandon house.
Skatepark mischief.
Birthing cows.
Prune juice.
Throwing popcorn.
Empty cinemas.
Racing through town.
100 Oysters.
Paddington shire.
Radio waves.
Birthday surprises.
Romantic talc.
R&R saga.
Gravel roads.
Tears. many tears.
Love. so much love.
So intelligent.
JJ love.
Pine plantations with bionic arms.
i trip i skip.
Coast trip.
Your friends.
Flossing teeth.
Rooted to the earth.
Wall rides.
Trails around the house.
Dancing. so much dancing.
Sleep overs.
Laughing at the dinner table with them.
Two words a minute.
Gluten free.
Knobby knees.
Scar tissue.
Amazing teeth.
Blue eyes dark.
Breakfast in bed.
Sleepless nights.
Loved by Nadege Alexandra Hamdad.

flying solo.
release the pressure.
let go.
take it all.
love N. x